Online dating, from profile to first date
A plain guide to photos, prompts, messaging and meeting up.
Most advice about dating apps is either too vague to use or too confident about things nobody can measure. This is the practical version.
Your profile decides who you talk to. Your messages decide who you meet.
Photos that do a job
Each photo should answer a different question about you.
- A clear face photo, well lit, no sunglasses
- A full-body photo so nobody feels surprised later
- One that shows something you actually do
- One with other people, so you look like you have a life
Prompts and bios
Specific beats clever. One real detail — the thing you are weirdly competitive about, the meal you cook badly — gives people something to message you about.
Messaging without burning out
Keep a small number of conversations going properly rather than twenty going badly. Quality of attention is the whole thing.
Moving to a date
Suggest meeting within the first week of talking if it is going well. Pick something short and public. First meetings are for finding out whether the chat was real.
Safety
- Meet somewhere public the first time
- Tell a friend where you are going and when
- Arrange your own way home
- Trust the feeling that something is off
Questions
Good to know
One or two done properly. More than that and every conversation gets less attention than it needs.
Never get stuck on what to say again.
Paste your chat, pick a tone, send the line that sounds like you.